Living Nonviolent Communication
Highlights
A Brief Introduction to Nonviolent Communication
Nonviolent Communication focuses attention on whether people’s needs are being fulfilled, and if they’re not on what can be done to fulfill these needs.
3: Getting Past The Pain Between Us Healing and Reconciliation without Compromise
sometimes my pain is so great, I’m not able to be as fully present as I’d like. And I haven’t found that to be a big problem. The other person can understand it usually.
PARTICIPANT S: Don’t you think it’s helpful sometimes to share that pain with the other person?
MARSHALL: Very often I do. I say to the other person, “I’m in such pain, I can’t hear you right now. Do you want to hear what that pain is, or are you in too much pain yourself ?” I’d say that half the time, the other person wants to hear it, and is able to.
3: Getting Past The Pain Between Us Healing and Reconciliation without Compromise
empathy requires presence— a focus on what is alive in the other person at this moment, on that person’s feelings and needs. Second, it requires checking things out with the other person, making sure you’re connecting with that person’s feelings and needs.
3: Getting Past The Pain Between Us Healing and Reconciliation without Compromise
PARTICIPANT R: So, with empathy, you’re empty of yourself and full of the other person. MARSHALL: With empathy, I’m fully with them, not full of them—that’s sympathy.
3: Getting Past The Pain Between Us Healing and Reconciliation without Compromise
There are a couple of signs to help us determine whether people are finished with empathy. One sign is the relief you can feel in them: empathy feels damn good. So if they got the empathy they need, you can feel that sense of relief, and you’ll feel it in your own body. Anyone in the room with you will feel it. Another sign is they will often stop talking.