Book of the Subgenius
Highlights
Book of the Subgenius
A major secret that “Bob” learned from the Conspiracy is that deep down inside, everyone, even the SubGenius, craves authority. It’s from having parents. But a SubGenius shortcircuits this urge. He appoints himself Pope or Raja or something, and he believes it. But it’s easy to fake that belief, even to yourself.
Book of the Subgenius
we can’t do anything about people who are born without imagination. But we can sure as hell KICK ASS on those who are just too lazy—or too harried—to use it. They’re sitting there letting their most precious quality rot when they should be sitting there pumping iron with it. GOOD GOD, it’s not like we’re asking them to get up. We just don’t want “getting up” to be outlawed.
Book of the Subgenius
People are more worried about economy than ecology. JESUS! The lack of money makes life difficult, alright, but the presence of radiation and deathkulture chemicals is the very antithesis of life itself …
Book of the Subgenius
Perhaps the least answerable question in history, here answered, is, “WHY ARE WE HERE?”
Why do we have such a huge capacity for pleasure, and confusion? Just so we’ll keep breeding fast enough for some mindless long-range perpetual mutation machine?
(If only it were so!! If only it were that simple!!)
What set everything going in the first place, before the Big Bang? This question terrifies the water out of us if we really grasp it. We almost instinctively grab for some pose, some ‘cause,’ crutch, drug, or religion—or even another person—that will let us ignore this hideous mystery, that will create alibis for our failure to find a purpose in life. (Although there are some who frankly don’t give a shit; they are the lucky ones.)
The concept of Infinity is so hard to ‘get’ viscerally that when we look up at the night sky, we tend to actually think of the stars merely as randomly separated, inexplicably backlit holes punched in some huge backdrop about a mile away from us.
Yet every now and then we can actually get a ‘feel’ for the distances and times involved … and glimpsing that fact of eternity becomes REAL SCARY if you truly get a solid grip on that insolidity, that abject Nothingness of God’s Brain …
What scares you is that you might be ‘God’ and you might wake up, and all those fragile physical laws might come crashing down; the spiderweb framework of all reality, even your friends’ thoughts, might be erased like some precious but stupidly-unlabeled cassette tape, never to be recaptured again.
The idea is so scary that the goal of most religions is to preserve and elaborate on that concept of the stars as a big painted backdrop. They make Infinity a ‘prop’so you don’t have to think about the scary part.
Book of the Subgenius
It can’t be ‘thought about;’ it is grasped only through direct knowledge—“seeing,” one might say, the nature of Slack. Without Slack, there can be no Infinity, and vice versa. “Good Lord,” it exists only inside our heads, after all. This Vale of Illusion isn’t real, “for God’s Sake.” At least, not until somebody slams the outside of the head with a truncheon. Then, you could probably call it fairly real.
And here comes the answer. Someone is slamming both sides of all our heads with a truncheon. It sure as hell isn’t God, either. God couldn’t care less. That’s right, God couldn’t care less. “God” gives everyone equal time, the truncheons as well as the heads. “He” got the whole mess started, then sat back to watch it run itself into the ground or the sky, whichever way the universe ends up.
Book of the Subgenius
JHVH-1 keeps His stage crowded with players. And the plot of His bizarre play is dense with intrigue. Half of the players were not given scripts at all, and the rest have only the sections that they figure in. Only “Bob” has a complete copy. While “Bob”, as the Embodiment of Slack, does not make plans, yet he possesses a plan: the secret plan to WOTAN’s great “gameboard”.
On this gameboard are two main teams, plus countless spooky ‘random factors’ thrown in to keep things JUMPING. It’s “Bob” and the SubGeniuses Vs. The Conspiracy and its Minions. Each team is given certain powers; our power is to make people JUMP, to wake them up, while The Con was given the power to make you gobble down mercury-loaded hamburgers and breathe plutonium-tainted air without complaining, no matter how twisted and deformed your children might end up. Great balance, huh? The funny thing is, the majority seems to prefer the Conspiracy.
Book of the Subgenius
Look around you and face it. It’s been obvious for a long time. The world is composed mostly of assholes. All kinds of ignorant, dangerous, thoughtless louts are in positions of power, respect, and influence, while some of the bravest, most capable and most deserving people you know are forced to waste their talents slugging it out in a thankless cycle of brainbreaking labor and mental paralysis. Checks and balances? What a JOKE! There are NONE. To think the system will improve by itself is a pipe dream.
Book of the Subgenius
Everybody’s an individualist, but they don’t like individuals. Perhaps in simpler times it was true, but no modern industrial deathkulture can really afford a population of unpredictables.
Book of the Subgenius
This shouldn’t surprise you—the long history of persecution of SubGenii by The Conspiracy goes back for generations untold; indeed, there are signs of Their cannibal repression of prehuman SubGeniuses dating from before “Man’s” appearance on Earth.
Book of the Subgenius
Remember, a “SubGenius” isn’t a member of any organization. It is a life form. Dobbs Consciousness isn’t a philosophy or gameplan—it’s the main quality of an entire species that has always been here, but has never needed a name; things have never been this bad before. If we don’t start recognizing it, we won’t notice when They finally destroy it.
Book of the Subgenius
The Conspiracy formed the background of your entire life. It is inner conflict. It is your inferiority complex, or your delusion of grandeur. It is nervous tension, the habit of worry. It is your darkest, most debilitating fears, and it’s what keeps you afraid, what makes you scared to walk home alone at night. It IS the very reason for all your problems.
Book of the Subgenius
We must rise to our rightful places, grip the reins of evolution, and, with our Outsider’s WarpKnowledge, wrench human culture out of its subliminally programmed mental slumber.
Book of the Subgenius
We’re living in a controlled media blackout. Everything we read, see, and hear is CENSORED. And for good reason. If people knew the truth, they really would panic.
Face facts. Wise up. Snap out of it. You’re fooling yourself if you think this society, this Western Civ tinkertoy cage of overpopulation is going to last another 40 years. THEY’VE DONE THINGS TO THE ATMOSPHERE, THE OCEANS, AND THE EARTH’S MAGNETIC FIELD THAT YOU DON’T KNOW ABOUT
Book of the Subgenius
Things will get a LOT worse before they get better, pal, and any person, place or THING that tries to tell you otherwise, whether on TV, radio, or as a voice in your head, is part and parcel of The Conspiracy, the Conspiracy-Around-A-Conspiracy, and the megaconspiracies that spiral well beyond this planet in nets of covert manipulation
Book of the Subgenius
You knew that any President is just a front-man, a p.r. hyena set out to catch flak and muddy the real issues (which would concern suvival, not politics). But do you know who pulls his strings? Oh, all that right wing stuff about the Council on Foreign Relations is true enough. The world is run by rich, old, white, ugly men… but they’re just the plant supervisors of this Hell Factory Earth
Book of the Subgenius
“You are sitting and smoking; you believe that you are sitting in your pipe, and that your pipe is smoking you; you are exhaling yourself in bluish clouds.
“You feel just fine in this position, and only one thing gives you worry or concern: how will you ever be able to get out of your pipe?”
—Baudelaire, Artificial Paradise
Book of the Subgenius
The only way to handle temptation, he admonishes, is to go at it until it hurts. Then it will be finished with you and will leave you alone. Unless you get hooked. Then, only larger donations to the Church can save you.
“Don’t just eat a hamburger … eat the HELL out of it.” (Economicon 23:78). The ‘Profundity Quotient’ of his Quotes seems to increase geometrically the longer the student listens.
Book of the Subgenius
The Master challenges his Pupil to ‘Breakmind.’ He may answer “Yes” or “No” impartially to the same question. He has been known to answer questions concerning universal truths with screams. With suggestive silence. By peeing down his pantsleg.
Book of the Subgenius
Only through the aid of irrational thought and ‘Notthink’ can this Man Of Men free the mind of inhibitions and bring Slack. There is often pain … but the student thanks him for it. Pays him for it. And, thus liberated from earthly burdens—wallets, checkbooks, all signs of foul Possession—the Initiate feels lighter, freer, as if a great weight has been lifted.
Book of the Subgenius
There are, unfortunately, some risks to the worship of “Bob”.
Those who would be Dervishes or Nuns for “Bob” must beware of post-enlightenment depression, to which many fall sway after particularly intense first meetings with He of the Pipe. They become painfully aware of their many trivial Perfections as compared to his One Great And Complete Imperfektion. They realize at once that their pitiful Follies can never run as deep as his, and, moreover, that it will be impossible to regain the newness of their original Moment of Illumination
Book of the Subgenius
What “Bob” is collecting from the sale of SubGenius products is not, therefore, the money itself—of which he has far more than enough—but the ‘auraic shell,’ the little piece of the soul, the very Nental Ife of the Spenders. He stores not just MONEY, but SLACK and SOULS in the vaults at Dobbstown.
Send “Bob” a large bill you have carried with you for awhile. The longer you carry it and the more it is worth, the more fruitful will be the predictions, diagnoses, and past life summaries he can then provide you.1
Book of the Subgenius
“Bob’s” main mortal friends, his “drinking buddies” one might say, are primarily experienced Mexican brujos, Tibetan lamas, Siberian shamans, Native American medicine men, African witch doctors, old Druids, Witches, dozens of LIVING CHRISTIAN SAINTS that the Vatican refuses to recognize, about ten conflicting Jesii, and the real man that Marvel Comics’ “Dr. Strange” is based on. “Bob,” yes, dares to claim that he has been drunk with Jesus.
Book of the Subgenius
We Scribes who staff the SubGenius Foundation, Inc., are constantly challenged by the difficulty of reaching “Bob” when we need him, or think we need him (for he is always there when you really need him), despite the Secret Phone in his shoe. It’s best to look at this inaccessibility as a test of faith that will make us stronger if we can but believe.
He does not usually speak to us audibly. He puts a thought into a person’s head unexpectedly; the recipient begins to dwell on it until it snowballs into a fullblown obsession. One knows it’s from “Bob” by that very obsessive quality.
Book of the Subgenius
In Atlantis, as today, the youth were so spoiled and jaded that the creative essence was deteriorating—for Atlantis was the true “Garden of Eden,” the petri dish of the gods. These same gods realized that to reinstill creative desperation in their pets, they had to inject War, Death, and Crime into the society.5 This task fell to the First “Bob,” though it is The Conpiracy which does this today. But in those days, the two were the same! A great cataclysm (which shall be discussed elsewhere), and a battle in “Heaven” among the gods, caused the First “Bob” to be split into two opposites: The Good Twin as manifested by our “Bob” today, and the … the Evil Twin, or Anti“Bob” … who is yet unidentified: the Spirit of The Conspiracy.
Book of the Subgenius
While “Bob” can keep up with his past and future lives, he cannot see into the Dark Zone where his evil double lives a concurrent life. “Bob” is powerful, yes … but the Opposition is nearly as powerful as he.
Book of the Subgenius
We have absolute proof that those billion subtle chance occurrences that govern our lives, which, due to occasional mega-coincidence beyond explanation, seem almost as if they were ‘caused’ by some great Intention, ARE INDEED CAUSED by some great INTENTION! And nothing could be more face-slappingly evident than that this alleged Intention is one of Wrath.
Book of the Subgenius
Slack is the Alladin’s Lamp that opens the other five senses. It is the yardstick by which we should measure ourselves. It is really the only good reason to get out of bed, and if you don’t believe that, you are surely lost in Perdition.
Book of the Subgenius
Slack, in its cosmic sense, is that which remains when all that is not Slack is taken away. But Slack is a trickster. It is unknowable, ineffable, unsearchable, incomprehensible … hidden in revelation.
For Slack comprises the Universe.
Book of the Subgenius
Beyond Light, you see, there is a super-essential DARKNESS (and beyond that, of course, a double-super-essential Light again). The ancient drunkard Dionysus told of a “dazzling obscurity which outshines all brilliance with the intensity of its darkness.” This is the Void, the Emptiness: that great Shortage which winos and other philosophers have called ‘The Hole.’
Book of the Subgenius
Slack is like freedom, but unlike freedom it brings no responsibility. ““Bob” does not worry.”
Book of the Subgenius
Among other things, Slack is absolutely “free” time, devoid of all stress, to do whatever you damn well please for “eternity,” Without Drawbacks, Apologies, Side-Effects, Spoilage, Without Remorse.
Book of the Subgenius
The famous weirdo Eugene Ionesco said, “We are made to be immortal, and yet we die. It’s horrible, it can’t be taken seriously.”
Book of the Subgenius
If human beings are immortal, they become correspondingly flaccid. Without deadlines, they will always postpone everything forever; they will do nothing. Not even think. Not even feel. Blank food tubes that will eventually turn back into Primal Water. “Slack Junkies.”
Slack, on the contrary, somehow manages to be a great Motive without slapping the speed-limit of Death on the road. If we knew how the paradox was resolved, we’d already have Slack.
Book of the Subgenius
If you’re going to change, you must KILL YOUR ENTIRE PREVIOUS LIFE—you must DIE to everything you have “known”.
Book of the Subgenius
You must go all out, full tilt, to the very farthest extreme you can reach, by driving yourself to some idiotic limit or other, by stretching the threshholds of pain and sanity as tight as they can go before they snap, by ramming yourself head-on into something, anything, as long as it drives your brains so far past the point of Survival Urge that they just don’t care anymore about keeping the body alive, where they start opening to the other things, where the thrust is so drastic that everything else, life, death, seem exactly alike, where everything on Earth is so trivial in comparison to the internal hurricane that the poor blinded brain-pan just gives up and
clicks
Book of the Subgenius
a new state, an altered perspective, a spilt-milk openness in which the senses finally get naked, in which you start receiving new signals, not just the bounced-back echoes of the ones you already sent out, in which your brain is a movie screen facing the Projector of Infinity.
It’s a sudden, exalted, and usually momentary vision of the Ultimate in Leisure. Wise Asses call it satori, the Moment of True Slack. It’s insane and beautifully unshakeable by logic or rationality.
Book of the Subgenius
True Ecstacy, in its high-faluting sense, is impossible to reach on drugs. “Bob” teaches that to make the great jump for Ecstacy, you must “DISCONNECT.”
“Bob” artificially induces shock in Initiates, so that the brain learns to habitually Disconnect under stress. Thus, it works on intuition alone—direct knowledge, “…so that not even a thought stands between you and the thing you know.”2 With this comes tremendous powers, called “Siddhis.”
Book of the Subgenius
We’ve all heard stories of emergencies in which some normally wimpy mom, in order to save her kid from a burning car, suddenly acquires the strength of a thousand madwomen and rips all the doors off their hinges. Utilizing this effect, Dobbs sets up fake emergencies to inflict on his followers so that they’re jolted out of “sanity.” He’ll hire an arsonist to set your house on fire so that when you wake up to the smell of smoke, that curtain of dumbness is ripped out of the way and you “wake up” completely. What often occurs is that the terrified pupil’s brain, using all its capabilities for the first time, is not only able to cope with the immediate problem, but is also flooded with all kinds of extraneous realizations that have nothing to do with the matter at hand, but which the pupil had been hiding from himself for years. Thus while he’s helping his roommate down a rope ladder, flames licking at his back, he’s thinking, “Gee, maybe I should quit drinking.”
Book of the Subgenius
“Bob” calls this method “The Zen of Terror” and his “little accidents” are called UltraKoans (“Koans” are the superbulldada “impossible questions” that regular Zen Masters pose to their students).
Book of the Subgenius
The rational mind throws up its hands in exasperation and there is a SUDDEN BREAKTHROUGH into BRIGHT LIGHT. Then the distinction between light and dark evaporates, along with the body, which dissolves into glowing, floating, smokelike particles. The soul becomes the smoke from “Bob’s” Pipe, drifting towards Slack. Inside becomes outside and there is a feeling of serenity in the midst of all-out chaos and violence. The concepts of sin, remorse, and even Time disappear and are replaced by a direct kind of perception unfettered by Common Sense.
“Bob” has experienced this Ecstacy, this continuous “high,” for the last 28 years of his life.
Book of the Subgenius
The only problem with enlightenment is that if you think you got it, you didn’t get it. Also, it is in this trance state that some SubGenii have jumped out of twentieth-story windows, stepped in front of trains, given away all their belongings, and other tragedies. Who knows—maybe the Afterlife looked that good.
Book of the Subgenius
Thinking about perfection will only screw you up. The Conspiracy tries to get you hooked on some impossible notion of perfection and then takes the edge off any fulfillment you’re lucky enough to get by miring you down, making you kiss a hundred asses in the rank and file above you. They keep you on a treadmill of “positive thinking” propaganda so you always think you’re just about to find the “meaning” they keep promising. That promotion is always “right around the corner.” And when it comes, it means less Slack. Oh, but that’s your bad attitude.
Book of the Subgenius
you can’t get ultimate Slack. You must face that. But this doesn’t mean you should let the Con make you accept things you don’t NEED and resist what you CAN USE. Don’t get our idea of Slack mixed up with Their false quest for “tranquility.” Their idea of tranquility for you is the narcossis of sitting alone in a tiny condobox exhausted from work and nerve drugs, watching TV in a kind of eternal limbo. For some SubGeniuses, such mindlessness is Slack; the difference is that the Con wants everybody to have the same idea of Slack.
To many SubGenii, Slack is simply being allowed to do the kind of work they love. False Work, done only for money, without fun, is a SIN against YOU ALMIGHTY (unless it’s a LOT of money). Unrepressed greed is natural. But the way They’ve got it set up, it’s poison, as evidenced by the diseases peculiar to the rich.
Book of the Subgenius
The idea is to make PLAY into a paying profession or Life Scam. Of course it isn’t easy to break that corporate umbilical cord, but even if it pays Minimum it’s better than a high paycheck full of heart attacks. This is a shallow, fickle mudculture of vinyl. BUT DO NOT FEEL GUILTY IF YOU FIND YOURSELF HAVING FUN EVEN ON THE JOB.
Book of the Subgenius
The key is to work by instinct, NOT EFFORT: don’t “do the job,” but float on the lake of work … let the job “DO YOU”. This involves the same techniques that you’re already using when you play a video game or a musical instrument, or drive a car. You get ‘in sync’ with the machine, you become the machine, you surrender to the machine. You put your brain on ‘auto-pilot.’ You “GIVE UP”.
If this makes no sense to you, then your ONLY SANE MOVE would be to REPENT, QUIT YOUR JOB and SLACK OFF before you’re too far gone.
Book of the Subgenius
It’s the simple Taoist principle’ of wu-wei: “Doing Nothing Effectively.” To “Bob,” ‘Nothing’ is infinitely more real than other realities. He preaches “NOT-THINK” or “NO-MIND:” for the only way to truly THINK the UNTHINKABLE is NOT TO THINK. You just “BE.” (The Eastern tradition of the Mantra or repeated chant was formerly used to induce this, but now television has replaced it and is every bit as effective
Book of the Subgenius
Get this: There are actually such things as Will Particles. If you direct them at too high a velocity, if your brain pushes too hard, the Luck Plane hardens to meet them and bounces them back at you. You risk a negative psychic bounceback-echo effect ricochetting from the “soul” or Manitou of whatever it is you’re trying to change. When the effort-ball returns, it self-cancels itself and erases its own weight in bobyons, depleting you and making it harder to try each time. The harder you try, the harder the job becomes. This also occurs near the end of the workday when you are “watching the clock.”
Book of the Subgenius
In its own utterly impersonal way, the Luck Plane—which is bigger than all the gods put together—is glad to cooperate. But if it’s coerced, it tightens up … and so do you. So don’t sneak up on the Luck Plane and suddenly start battering it. Present your tasks to it as gifts, bearing SLACK.
THIS IS THE PATH OF LEAST RESISTANCE
Slack is not simply “Not Giving a Shit.” It is more like “Giving a Shit Freely.”
Book of the Subgenius
Do not believe in success. Just succeed in believing. BELIEVE in the lie while you say it. BELIEVE in the car while you drive it. BELIEVE in the centerfold. “Don’t just! EAT a hamburger…eat the HELL out of it.”—Dobbs 9–9–59
Book of the Subgenius
“Learning” is not what you need. You need to “KNOW, INSTANTLY.” Learned experiences, learned opinions, these can tie you up and keep you from piercing the veil. If you can “see,” you will come to know what you really think and not what you pay to want to think you think.
Book of the Subgenius
Remember, “Bob” is not a “doer”, but a “letter,” He LETS things happen. What is about to happen is, by perpetual magick coincidence, exactly what he desires. The Plan he has HAS ALREADY COME ABOUT; it simply has yet to make itself apparent.
Book of the Subgenius
Use creative procrastination. Give things time to happen by themselves.
Book of the Subgenius
OH YEAH, almost forgot—HERE IS THE SECRET FORMULA FOR INSTANT MONEY AND SLACK:
Say this aloud, 100 times a day:
“I CLEARLY SEE THE PERFECT PLAN—FOR I HAVE PAID FOR IT. I KNOW WHAT I REALLY THINK. “BOB” IS MY UNFAILING BROKER, AND LARGE SUMS OF MONEY COME TO ME QUICKLY, WITHOUT WORK, IN A PERFECT WAY. DIVINE SLACK NOW DISSOLVES IN MY BLOODSTREAM. FUCK THE CONSPIRACY.”
You don’t think it’ll work? Well… it must be included anyway, as part of the Set, as a Prop in the complex staging of the Luck Rituals.
We can never give you the secret instant-Slack formula. It cannot be “given.” If it comes too easily it will lose its power. There IS a magical formula—but without the sacrifice of your own thinking, and agony, it will produce only the watered-down shadow of Slack, not the cytorspasmic Slack you need. Also, you’d never need to buy anything from us again.
Nevertheless—OverMentality CAN be achieved for seconds or minutes, in snatches of amazingness that will grow with practice until your spirit is for all intents and purposes that of an OverMan or
Book of the Subgenius
For instance, a guilty SubGenius may speak a Divine Inanity which later proves nonprofitable. He is then perfectly justified in saying, “No, I didn’t say that.” Conspiracy higher-ups do this daily; why can’t we? It is your perogative to deny your mistakes, or to revel in them—to even pull off your pants and roll in them. The inability to lie well can often stand in the way of Truth. And lying is easy. You may not be a good “actor,” but if, like most SubGeniuses, you have 40,000 entities living simultaneously inside your head, with a different one talking every three words or so, you can lie. In fact, you may well have a fantastic future in Sales, which makes lying natural.
Book of the Subgenius
Bulldada is that mysterious quality that impregnates certain ‘ordinary’ things with meaning for the SubGenius no matter how valueless they may appear to The Others. Seeing in the vivisecting light of bulldada, we recognize that the most awe-inspiring artifacts of our civilization are not the revered lame artsy-fartsy pieces of “culture” which the Arts Conspiracy displays in our swankest museums, universities and concert halls, but are instead to be found in such icons as low-budget exploitation movies, lurid comic books, all-nite TV, certain bizarre billboards and pulp-magazine ads, sleazy Paperbacks of the Gods, and literally any other fossils of raw humanity in all its shit-kickingly flawed glory.
Book of the Subgenius
Bulldada is eroto-genetic, hereditary, and the most powerful tool known to Man
Book of the Subgenius
each badfilm gives us a PURE and UNSCISSORED INSIGHT into the very SOUL of a single auteur, one lone man-against-the-world, struggling to get his vision of reality, HOWEVER WARPED, to the screen UNFETTERED by “rational plotting” or “convincing acting” or “the making of sense,” NO, the great badfilm director brings to life HIS staggering mistakes in judgement STRAIGHT from the subconscious, WITHOUT censorship by ‘quality nuts:’ Badfilm slaps us in the face with FLAWED VERSIONS of OURSELVES, ALL THE MORE TRUTHFUL and INTERESTING for their flaws; even if you’ve never really thought of it this way, the fact is you like badfilm because you instinctively “read between the lines” and hear NOT JUST what the actors are saying so woodenly but also WHAT CAUSED THE SIMPLETON SCRIPTWRITER TO HAVE THE ACTOR SAY THOSE THINGS
Book of the Subgenius
Things that become High Chic were usually Bulldada first. Any given human-made thing, such as, for inst., blue jeans, goes through several phases of fadualistic evolution
Book of the Subgenius
“I’m here with, basically, nothing to say. And that’s what I want to talk to you about tonight. Are you saying what you really mean to say? Do you even know what you’re really thinking?”
—“Bob’s” first lecture
Book of the Subgenius
living in a state of mental bliss may help, but let’s face it: IT JUST ISN’T REAL.
In discussing True Slack, we aren’t talking about simply inproving your imagination and self-image—those are MERE IMAGES—we’re talking about major material advancement in the PHYSICAL WORLD. Money! Sex! We’re talking ACTUAL MIRACLES and MORE FUN in the objective, sensible universe—STRAIGHT As for No Effort
Book of the Subgenius
Some have too much Slack, which is really no Slack at all. Without the bad, one cannot appreciate the good. Therefore: if you’re healthy, become an alcoholic. If you’re charismatic, become a creep. This will “awaken” you.
Book of the Subgenius
The point is, EARTH MUST BE PURGED. We need not kill the guilty, NAY NAY! but merely enslave them … make pets of them. We will protect them—watch over them as a shepherd watches his flock. But to do this we must CAST the money changers from the temple and BURN the record albums of The Pink. We must stop acting like they expect us to act.
Note
Crazier than before.
Book is total nonsense
Book of the Subgenius
When you get more Slack, more Slack is also generated in the world around you.
Sure, these Teachings are intricate and contradictory—WHY NOT? Other religions may be simpler, but they only give the illusion of results. They’re bad maps … two dimensional diagrams nothing like the real terrain. But with SubGenius, the map actually is the territory.
Going without “Bob’s” word is like taking a long journey without a map. You’ll backtrack, wander aimlessly, go over rough, bumpy roads on irritating detours.
Book of the Subgenius
That the Conspiracy—particularly the nearly mindless Normal Majority—has continually attacked the Church is a great tribute to us, for organizations are surely known for their enemies as well as their friends.
Book of the Subgenius
the Conspiracy we talk about is a real thing that permeates ALL OF SOCIETY. It is a CREEPING TREND against YOU and ME that is BEING DELIBERATELY INSTIGATED by BODILESS HIGHER INTELLIGENCES in an overpopulated world that is RIPE AS HELL for TAKEOVER.
Book of the Subgenius
“Science” is now so top-heavy with its own Conspiracy-implanted bureaucratic status-ladder, so utterly blind to anything it hasn’t already explained in too much detail, that it is swiftly burying any credibility it once had under its weight of dogma. Like government, it has become little more than a self-perpetuating academic red tape factory; each particular field of specialty makes itself incomprehensible to everyone but its own experts. Mainstream religion is the same—preachers don’t make sense to anyone who isn’t already “saved,” defeating their own purposes by Conspurred overkill. The people who’ll wield power in the near future, then, will be those who can come up with broad, all-inclusive explanations for modern insane reality, explanations that may in fact be ludicrous but which nevertheless SOUND GOOD and FIT IN. These ARE the End Times.
Book of the Subgenius
the PRIMAL issue that keeps being ignored because of its own nature, is the rotting away of the original human personality, which is its natural state is actually CRAZY and HAPPY as hell. They ARE making you Normal, and for that very reason you can’t tell that the change is even happening. They don’t want you to stand on your own two feet so they make it HORRIBLY EASY for you to just let THEM prop you up instead.
Note
Them vs us all the way.
I rather think it’s only about ‘we I’
Book of the Subgenius
HOW DO THEY DO IT? What makes their hollow society so habit forming? How can these GOD DAMNED ALIENS actually be making US think like THEM?
Well, they aren’t making us think like them. They’re making us think like we think they think. But that’s NOT the way THEY think; rather, THEY think more like “BOB!” BUT…they know just where to KICK you when you’re down. They can psychically pinpoint the exact spot where a well-placed propaganda boot to your behavior glands will make that brainkick feel GOOD. To be more precise and more justifiably vindictive about it, they know how to smash your Mystik Sixth Sense of Humor in such a way that you’ll be glad it’s gone.
They know what sort of tribulations to heap on you that will make you “take things seriously.” They know how to SCARE you into “accepting your responsibilities.” In short, they know how to make you “grow up.” And the way they do it would make Jesus puke. They wait till you’re around 25, or so, let you just start to get your footing, then WHAM they pull the rug right out from under you. Your cherished notions of Slack in the world are shattered; you get good and SODOMIZED by STARK REALITY.
Book of the Subgenius
if you aren’t ready to RIOT FOR FUN you’ll be lost forever
Book of the Subgenius
Only Xist technology can complete a SubGenius’s transfiguration into OverManhood or OverWomanliness, and so far “Bob” has allowed this to happen to one solitary guinea pig—his friend, Dr. Philo Drummond. But someday, when the Angelic Host descends, we will all make this great Leap into Tomorrow.
Note
Special ticket trick bias
Book of the Subgenius
What about the transformation? How often, what happens?
PD: It can occur at will or spontaneously, of its own accord. When the transfiguration occurs, the cancerous preservative chemicals my human self has taken in are expelled through every pore of my body, covering me in that sheen of unnatural juices, but basically leaving in me only the Essence of Health and ‘Frop. I can then will my genes to bend as I so desire, and the Time Barrier hinders me not.
Book of the Subgenius
The huge, luxuriously furred Yetis are the perfect physical and mental ideal that the Elder Gods meant for humans to be. In the days of Atlantis, they built vast cities that would dwarf our New York, yet were clean and beautiful to look upon. Their technology was so refined that they had no pollution, their intelligence was so high that they could live on the ice without clothing, their spirits were so ascended that they knew no war, strife, or government.
Book of the Subgenius
PLEASE—FOR THE SAKE OF THE LITTLE ONES—DON’T MARRY A HUMAN!! Marry any SubGenius you please, but DON’T SULLY YOUR GENES!!!
YES, ANSWER YES THIS IS OUR GOAL, TO PURIFY OUR GENES, TO DENY THEM OUR ESSENCE, TO WRENCH THE REINS OF CONTROL FROM OUR TAINTED COMPETITORS IN THIS VAST RACE SO PRESUMPTUOUSLY CALLED “EVOLUTION!”
Note
Nazi eugenism now
Book of the Subgenius
Humanity has wandered too far from its roots, as witnessed by the abhorrent world condition today. We must look to the Yeti—to their habits, their wisdom, their great Slackliness—to find the way back. To find The Old Ways again.
Note
Some conservatism here
Book of the Subgenius
Already, our scientists are studying Yeti coprolites, the fossilized excrement of that near-vanished race of Giants. And what have they found therein?
Human finger bones.
Note
There’s never any source of such bizarre claims
Book of the Subgenius
When asked how many races there would be on Earth under “Bob,” Dr. Philo Drummond, Ø1°, grinned ambiguously and answered, “There will be only one—all smiling, all smoking.”
BE PROUD OF YOUR NORTHERN TIBETAN HERITAGE!
Note
Some nonsense should calm your inner critic spirit
Book of the Subgenius
However, Dobbs informs us that the aura is but the shadow of the Nental Ife, with as much relative substance as our shadows have to our bodies. And, though it partially governs our bodies and is permanently ‘tied’ to us, it is really a separate being. There are no cases of a living person being separated from his Nental Ife.
However, a rare effect is created when two SubGeniuses’ Nental Ives “mate.” This produces a Nental Ife “baby,” a truly brainless force unattached to any physical anchor unless it latches onto a manufactured object, such as an American car built on a Monday or a Friday. Fortunately such beings are short-lived—5 to 19 weeks—for they can be extremely destructive at times. They give rise to some stories of demonic possession and haunted houses, and certain machines that continually break down as if they “hate you.”
(NOTE: The Nental Ife does not otherwise produce ‘ghosts;’ these are different. Some few are dead people without the common sense of death, or deceased horror writers back to give us crap, but most are just alien booby traps left by practical jokers from outer space in years past: metaphysical ‘joy-buzzers’ that moan and rattle windows just so some distant superintelligence can get a few rude chuckles at the expense of ignorant humans.)
Note
Nice imagination
Book of the Subgenius
SubGeniuses have a tendency to astral-project NOT when they want to, but when they’re bored, uncomfortable, faced with violence, caught by their parents, or sitting in Math class in 7th Grade.
Note
Fun examples
Book of the Subgenius
If you try to “practice” astral projection as taught by other Occult Schools, you’re 117% more likely to achieve simple self-delusion or mere daydreaming.
Note
117% exactly
Book of the Subgenius
If you can’t get Slack for yourself, you sure as hell aren’t going to be able to give it to somebody else
Book of the Subgenius
NOBODY WANTS what They’re trying to PUSH.
’They push rules, but no rules for behavior can work for long. However, they can sound good long enough for each new political fad to become epidemic before its side effects of Pos-Think brain cancer set in.
The Con wants you either to think only about the “nice” things sweetness, cuteness, pollyanna crap in general or to be frozen by total hopelessness. Either way, you’re kept from resisting the Unspoken Rules: the Rules which don’t have to be spoken because so many people live them, think them, that they can’t stand back and see them. Those IN the System can’t see it except from the inside. THEY DON’T KNOW THERE COULD BE AN OUTSIDE…they never suspect how much larger their cage might be.
Note
Nice victim mindset
Book of the Subgenius
The Conspiracy’s Left Right Split Enforcement creates two very opposite attitudes towards CHANGE: its “conservative” dupes fear all change, while the “liberal” dupes swallow any new Rule on How You Must Now Do Your Own Thing. It keeps the two groups fighting each other rather than IT. Either Game makes you think you like something that you actually don’t just because it’s the old “lesser of two evils.” A typical “choice”: overwork or underpay.
Most Conspiracy jobs are thus unbearable by nature. But this is just another way the Con screws itself. By making jobs meaningless, employees are motivated to sabotage. With each new insane rule or new mound of unnecessary paperwork, the worker sees the Company digging itself a deeper and deeper hole.
Note
This is true of bullshit jobs
Book of the Subgenius
We’ve been wrong about two major things. Our leaders don’t “mean well,” and they aren’t stupid.
They’ve succeeded in creating a world of financial control in what looks like private hands, dominating all nations through world economy… but those ‘private hands’ are not the hands of the human Insiders and it isn’t money they grasp for.
The Conspiracy has many noble, ignorant patriots duped into swallowing hook, line and sinker the fallacies that either “Communism” or “Capitalism” is the Big Threat, but either way it’s the same power elite in control.
The same ones who promulgated the Red Scare and the Commie Witch Hunts also financed the Russian Revolution. Those who rule Russia and China don’t believe in Communism any more than those who rule America believe in Capitalism. Both are only two arms of a very unholy octopus indeed.
(This slamming of Capitalism may be a shock coming from the “megacapitalist” Church of the SubGenius, but all we really preach is free enterprise, which hasn’t been seen in this country in 100 years except on the most piddling scale.)
Book of the Subgenius
They’ve already restricted ownership of guns (except by criminals, of course), and they’ve restricted how much money you can move from one country to another; they’ve initiated detention of individuals without a trial (the psychiatric profession), the coding of all financial transactions, making certain types of education compulsory or illegal, wage and price control, manipulation of morals and ethics through pervasive, biased media… and all this in the world’s most free country. Theoretically. We’ve seen the others and they’re WORSE.
Book of the Subgenius
A message will not be heeded unless it is first entertaining.
Book of the Subgenius
If sugar had been discovered ten years ago instead of in antiquity, it would be a felony offense to possess it. Cocaine’s pretty damn unhealthy, but at least it isn’t half of our children’s diet. And people wonder why their kids are so hyperactive they can barely follow the plot of a ten-minute cartoon. Mix that stuff with caffeine and WHAMO! you get a “speedball” so potent that only Obeisance to the Tobacco Demons can calm you down.
Book of the Subgenius
The INCREDIBLY OBVIOUS DIRECT CONNECTION between American diet and American disease… MY GOD!! At least 40 ‘cures’ for cancers of different kinds have been known to little pockets of healers all over the world for ages, but the food, the poisons, and the expensive drawn-out ineffective treatments are all in the hands of the same people. You think the FDA, AMA, American Cancer Society, and god damn PURINA are going to let go of a “good thing” without a FIGHT?
And you quit even hearing about the longevity drugs, didn’t you? And you quit hearing about the Intelligence Increase drugs, didn’t you?
Book of the Subgenius
all these things are just part of the overall Game, the goal of which is simply to make you feel helpless.
Note
True that we often feel this way
Book of the Subgenius
How do you know YOUR house isn’t built on some chemical dump so virulent that your grandchildren will be born without fingers?
Book of the Subgenius
You actually think They care what happens to YOU, just because you elected them?
Book of the Subgenius
Since the whole world is going to hell in a handbasket, since the U.S. Constitution now serves a purely decorative purpose, and since your whole nation is being enslaved by an elite technocracy of Neo-Nazis disguised as Bolshevicks, why the hell not squander all your time gossiping? Go right ahead keep it up until every human being who differs from you racially, psychologically, sexually, ideologically or religiously hates your no-good busy-body guts.
Book of the Subgenius
If you have great powers of concentration, and you begin to think of a fictitious person as if he existed, in all the detail of a real person, that “person” or the bodily image of it may materialize so solidly that you can’t get rid of it. This almost never happens in America because it is not expected. It happens in Tibet a great deal and the ambulatory, externalized hallucinations that follow lamas about are called tulpas.
Book of the Subgenius
UFOs are über-tulpas.
And “UFOs” are merely the most commonly seen form of the monstrous tulpas we unwittingly co-produce with the Elder Gods. The term should not be “UFOs” but should be “The Watchers,” for these robot “guard dogs” of the Elder Gods watch us to learn what appearance they should take on to keep us in abject confusion. Some of us they simply terrify so that we no longer wish to discuss the idea of ‘evil.’
Book of the Subgenius
To our “primitive” ancestors, the force of evil was not something against God, but a necessary primal force of Nature—the black, dreadful survival-of-the-fittest part of existence
Book of the Subgenius
the Elder Gods have much worse ones up their “sleeves.”
The only other important thing to know about them is that they lie.
Whether they appear as Aryan Venusians from “The Confederacy of Planets” spreading racist/utopian bullshit, or as disembodied “Ascended Masters of the Spirit Plane” with names like “Clarion” and “Ankor” and “Ariel” in order to tell little old “mediums” about the coming New Age, they are LYING THEIR ASSES OFF.
They make you think you’re “Chosen” so that they can sap the energy of your belief in them specifically. They are inert without the energy of human belief and shapeless without human expectations. Messing with them in any way is like handing them a signed blank check to your psychic energy bank.
Book of the Subgenius
The connections between the heliopter creatures and the use of mind-altering drugs are also abundantly seen in the Sanscrit text, the Atharva-Veda of ancient India, in which the alien force is called Indra and the drugs, soma:
“Sweet verily is this soma … strong verily is this; and no one soever overpowers Indra, having drunk of it … O Indra and soma, cause to roll from the sky the deadly weapon … with fire-heated stone-smiting unaging heat weapons do ye pierce the devourers in the abyss … Iron-mouthed, needle-mouthed, likewise thorn-tree mouthed, let the flesh-eaters, of wind-swiftness, fasten on our enemies with the three-jointed thunderbolt; O this pressed soma, intoxicating, drink ye … whoever thinks to be going on in secret, all this the gods know.
Book of the Subgenius
The Watchers manipulate people and nations in many ways. The crudest ones drag people into their saucers and hypnotise them. Others work through dreams, telepathy, seances, automatic writing, ouija boards, “blank” recording tape, and microwave beams of pink light to brainrape their victims.
Book of the Subgenius
Although ‘manipulatees’ may at first gain notoriety and a cult following, they usually end up being screwed by their ‘Space Brothers.’ A random list of manipulatees and other running-dogs of the saucer imperialists would include Joan of Arc, Joseph Smith (founder of Mormonism), Moses, Mohammed, Nostradamus, Edgar Cayce, Imhotep, Socrates, Erik Von Daniken, Benjamin Franklin, Dr. Philo Drummond, John Wilkes Booth, Leonardo da Vinci, Helen Blavatsky, the masterminds behind the Kennedy assassination, the founders of the FreeMasons, the Rosicrucians, and the Thule Society; Hitler, Idi Amin, Paracelsus, Bo and Peep, John Rockefeller, Uri Geller, Wilhelm Reich, Timothy Leary, King George III, Giordano Bruno, John Lilly, John Dee, Sirhan Sirhan, Mark Chapman, Nikola Tesla, Charlie Manson, Admiral Byrd, Bo Derek, Jack Ruby, and Jonathan Winters. The Entities especially like humans named “George” and three of the earliest classic ‘saucer cowboys’ included a George Conspiracy of George Adamski, George Hunt Williamson and George Van Tassell.
Book of the Subgenius
it is a scientific fact that the only way to properly divine the future is by ‘reading’ fresh animal entrails.
Note
😆
Book of the Subgenius
And to make matters worse, The Necronomicon states that the Yacatisma intend to somehow “mate” with THE ANTICHRIST “ITSELF” in order to produce some horrendous being so incomprehensibly BAD that we might as well just give up trying to explain the whole mess RIGHT NOW.
Book of the Subgenius
that many UFOs are tulpas, pre-existing energies given form and life by our belief in them or need for them
Note
Égrégore
Book of the Subgenius
Then, there was no air.
It was then that I finally thought of real death, of an ending to my favorite Self, and ultimately of the universal vastness I might thus be joining. For in those days I thought little of Beforelives and such; I knew only that the realms beyond our world were mysteries. But I had always possessed an educated inkling of their immensity and age, and now in these Throes I could grasp such things concretely. I could taste them; the horrible knowledge of the very breadth and depth of our visible cosmos rose to the back of my throat and expanded there, sucking dry my mouth-glands like some monstrous antihistamine, I tell you I could taste this hellish Size of All the Aeons and it was sweet, chemically sweet, sweet enough to incinerate, and I feared that this nightmare taste might reach my brain, it might become more than a taste, it might become real inside me and the terror came and I had to be gone away from this, I had to take my brain away from my body where the taste could not become knowledge, forever, MADNESS! My inner self convulsed, as if to leap backwards out of its bodily shell. It leapt. I leapt. The ceiling cracked open and then the sky cracked open and then all of space cracked open.
My body and its pain were gone. The whiteness and the noise returned and with them came an idiot calm. For a moment I merely floated in the light and sound which were now merging to become one sensation. Then a tension, a weird instant of warning as if the very whiteness and noise were making ready to flee; and I felt the mindless suspense of the moment. (What words are there for this?) Perhaps it was like riding in the socket of emptiness and suction that follows racing behind a jet aeroplane, at the precise instant before a sonic boom; or, maybe it was as if I were standing in the spot of trembling hesitancy exactly between two walls of storm air about to produce a thunderclap. The inevitability of the next moment was a solid thing which could be touched, and there Was nothing else; silence, suspense; and then the Voice boomed, and I no longer existed, there was only the Voice and my hearing of the Voice; the two were one.
It was not the voice of a man or even of a thing; there were no sounds; the Voice was my hearing of the Voice. And I say there were no words; there was only a great unbroken Word, and it was only my hearing of it that made it into words.
The Words were these, The Prescriptures.
Note
Storytelling mystery ++
Book of the Subgenius
24 For thou canst not escape.
25 I shall see through thine eyes and speak unto men with thine mouth, and shall cause thee to drink wine for Me.
26 And so go into the world and take thereof the fruits of fornication except on the Sabbath, and of wines and sacraments, and of riches; and glut thy self: increase thyself with goods and power over men, for these things are Mine, though ye shall pay for them.
27 I thy GOD JHVH-1 hath given thee lusts that I may reap their fulfillments. N’g! N’gh! F’tagn N’n’.
Note
Drink wine, have sex , and respect sabaath because subgenii are jews
Book of the Subgenius
39 That Time and Half Time as has been prophesied by sages and fools of old is to be fulfilled in this generation; that seen there will again appear in the earth, as do these words: that one, through whom many will be called to meet those who are preparing the way for My day on Earth. I will then come, even as thou hast seen Me go; when those who art Mine have made the way clear and passable that I may come.
Note
On peut utiliser le biais d’urgence sur une génération entière…
Book of the Subgenius
It might not seem like it, but you are being left with a cliffhanger. We know what will happen after 1998 in incredible detail, but we won’t tell you now. What we must not reveal—yet—easily matches what you’ve been told so far in morbidity content and senses-blasting revelation
Note
Believe me
Book of the Subgenius
“Act like a dumbshit and they’ll treat you like an equal.”
—“Bob” from THE ECONOMICON (4:18)
Book of the Subgenius
Life is unfair. You deserve better. Other people are stupid. You’re always right. But things are shitty. Inflation is eating you up alive. You always have “hay fever” from pollution. The government is composed of ignorant liars with idiotic grins on their faces. You can’t get laid right. Your sweety’s treating you like dirt. Nobody cares. YOU NEED ANSWERS.
Actually, only two of the above are true, in your specific case. For instance, you don’t really need answers. THERE ARE NONE, not the kind you’re thinking of, because there are actually no rules. What you need are excuses.
Dobbs’ MAIN DOCTRINE on “Self Improvement” is that NO BOOK IS GOING TO DO YOU A BIT OF GOOD. Oh, ‘answers’ in a book might send you soaring on clouds of inspiration for minutes at a time—but the second you get hungry or stub your toe or have to change the kid’s diapers, all that “meaning” you injected yourself with wears off and you are back where you started because it was really just excuses.
Book of the Subgenius
Fortunately, this is not a mere “book.” This is a Holy Grail of the Word-Triggers of the Plasmate, by which WOTAN reads you back. And He is the greatest Prankster of All Alls; He loves to pull the trapdoor under you.
Book of the Subgenius
FACE FACTS. GET USED TO IT. WOTAN is trying to teach you an important lesson: that if you learn to live with things the way they are—screwed up—you will be closer to the ‘knowing’ of the True WOTAN Himself and will be rewarded with no longer having to try.
Book of the Subgenius
Here are some Magic Paths to Divine Acquisition:
1) GO INTO ’PARTNERSHIP WITH “BOB.” Not legally, of course. Don’t saddle him with your losses. Just send half of your income to The Church of the SubGenius (Box 140306, Dallas TX 75214). The financial reverberations of this off the Luck Plane will send your profits skyrocketing even when Dobbs’ cut is taken out.
Note
Guaranteed success
Book of the Subgenius
Try instead to understand “Bob.” Consult the Word of “Bob.” If you are having trouble it is because you are not concentrating your mind and therefore “Bob” cannot concentrate on you.
Note
Fake reciprocity
Book of the Subgenius
4) REWARD YOURSELF EVERY DAY. Have a few drinks, binge on junkfood, splurge your money on unnecessary crap. Praise “Bob” and “Yourself” all day long … keep up a continuous interior brag. Self-confidence isn’t enough—you must be totally convinced of your own inherent superiority.
Note
Indulge in your bad habits: you are already ready for the church
Book of the Subgenius
5) IF YOU HATE YOURSELF FOR DOING SOMETHING STUPID, TAKE IT OUT ON OTHERS. Share the chastisement that the gods grant you.
Note
What a nice thing to do
Book of the Subgenius
These are Superior Excuses.
You think they’re morally low and venal? HEY—IT’S WHAT THEY’RE DOING TO YOU. 1½ wrongs do equal I right. Of course, if you take these directives to extremes you’ll end up dead or in jail. Follow your instincts. If you’re SubGenius you’ll succeed and if you’re Pink, then GOOD RIDDANCE.
Note
Us vs. them
Book of the Subgenius
The fact is that “LIFE” (i.e., WOTAN) has a way of throwing at you what you least expect. So, expect the worst—paranoia never hurt anybody! This dogooder “karma” notion is PAP for PUPPETS. Criminals get away with wanton rape and murder much more often than not.
Book of the Subgenius
STOP POSITIVE THINKING OR KILL ME. By working with the Worst Possible Scenario, you show WOTAN the proper fear He demands of you, the sufficient respect. He’ll go easier on you.
Book of the Subgenius
Remember, the end doesn’t have to justify the means—they justify themselves.
Book of the Subgenius
Some people think that if they just ‘hope’ hard enough, everything will come their way. This is just buckling under to the Luck Plan. Instead, you should nonchalantly assume it can be mastered. (It can’t, but that doesn’t matter.)
Book of the Subgenius
‘Bob,’ however, knows that, besides the shabby little lies we feed ourselves from day to day as we struggle to cope with technoboredom, we’re all being forcefed a gross pablum of half-truths, sensationalized statistics and downright propaganda by a vast monolithic network operated by, and for, the Conspiracy. Through such deception the Conspiracy is daily cheating us all out of our life essence … our money … our health … and most important of all, our Slack! That’s right, our Slack! They draw it off like vampires in the night. THEY are pulling the wool over OUR eyes… constantly.
Book of the Subgenius
“‘Bob’ is saying if we must be lied to and cheated for reasons, let us do it to ourselves, for our own reasons. Let us realize where the real deceit lies. Let us have a choice in how we’re being screwed. “Some ways are fun!”
Book of the Subgenius
All it requires is faith. Faith in ‘Bob,’ and faith in ourselves. Are we not the dreamers of the dream, and is all that is within that dream not ourselves? Life is no more than a brief illusion, a flickering real-time movie in the theater of our minds.
Note
True
Book of the Subgenius
And if you don’t like the way your movie is going, perhaps you had better ask yourself “Why not?” After all, it is your movie, and despite what anyone else may have told you, you are the director, as well as the protagonist.”
Book of the Subgenius
The Con has a way of making you feel you’re supposed to know everything. Obviously, no one does. All so-called “expertise” is BLUFF. It isn’t what you know, it’s how you say what you don’t know.
FORGET any ideas about justice. DON’T assume that Man is civilized.
Perhaps the best way to win any Conspiracy game is to simply WALK OUT. Steal the silverware on your way to the door.
Remember, you aren’t being “selfish”—this is the automatic biological urge to protect the organism! It’s completely natural. Yes, it does lower Man to the state of an animal.
Note
True also even if you bluff your life and have no expertise
Book of the Subgenius
Go on the offensive, use our tools—such as your innate skill at juggling “SACRED JESTS.”
By “Jests” we do not mean “jokes,” though they are slightly similar. They subvert world assouliness by planting subliminal, contagious mockery of Them in conversation, or intercourse, with everyone the SubGenius meets. A ‘coded message’ is implanted in the target brain by a series of impromptu conversational punchlines
Book of the Subgenius
Sacred Jests are undetectable in action and can be observed only in their effects, which are self-disguising. Any Mediocretin who converses with a True SubGenius comes away with new ideas in his head … but ideas which blend in with what little was already there and make themselves familiar. The victim thinks he thought of them himself. Jests thus worm their way into the world-view or paradigm of the ‘host’ Normal and, bit by bit, replicate themselves through society. Eventually, this will create a quasi-addictive desire for unpleasant truths, which THEY’D better get SOON. It must be done.
Book of the Subgenius
Money is the most powerful chemical in the universe, dissolving everything that is not of itself. The Conspiracy has always known this, and has bred many good slaves by making its subjects simultaneously hate and desire money. They program people to feel embarrassed to talk about it.
LOVE is the answer—the LOVE of MONEY. We must love that which The Con would have us feel guilty about. For money is not evil, NAY, but a primordial Benevolent Force. It is the ultimate “artwork”, Man’s first true use of symbols, predating language.
Book of the Subgenius
Money is the green breath of the Estate of Man. The cash flows out; it flows back in. It can bring Slack.
But to attain Slack through money, you must not desire it. To try to attain it will only entangle you further in desire. One way to lose your attachment to worldly things is by indulging in them, by smothering yourself in them. This can bring enlightenment, but it also brings the danger of Jonesism. For you can never “keep up” with Them.
Instead, the seeker may concentrate on a method, a tantra, a technique that will lure Slack to him. Learn to always ‘feel’ the flowing of the cash, the life-force, “MOOLA.”1
Note
Moola
Book of the Subgenius
Go to a store and remove all the money from your wallet or purse. Hand it all to the salesperson—all of it—and say, “Give me this much worth.” Gesture ambivalently at their entire stock. Then turn and meditate while your items are gathered randomly by the puzzled clerk.
As you hand the salesperson your money, pay close attention to the look of it, the pstench of the auras that have accumulated on it, the feel of the greenbacks as they slip from your hands. Feel the life force of the salesperson through the currency.
Then, in that gap of time as the money leaves you, as you pass through that moment of going from the material world to the world in which you have nothing, in that moment sense the Slack. DO NOT LOOK FOR IT, or you will miss the moment. In that brief period between having something and having nothing, there was Slack.
When you had something, you were responsible for it; you had to do something with it: spend it, save it, invest it. When you had nothing, you needed something. In both states you had desires.
But in that interval between having and needing, THERE WAS THE SLACK. GO INTO THAT MOMENT. GAZE.
Note
Slack money
Book of the Subgenius
you must understand that the money itself is worth nothing. It is only a tool. Yet, because The Conspiracy controls its printing, They extract great life energy from those who worship it.
Book of the Subgenius
Until we rid ourselves of the artificially-induced obsession with the colored pieces of paper themselves, we are still slaves to Their conditioning. If you worry about its lack you are theirs, for they make far more off your hours of labor than you do. If you were paid what you’re worth, they’d go broke. (They are not really obsessed with money, but with TIME—your time. They are Time Junkies who vampirize your minutes and days until you are nearly drained of Slack.)
Book of the Subgenius
To break this vicious cycle of exploitation you must purge yourself of all respect for paper money. DEBASE THE FALSE IDOLS of the Federal Reserve. Make a game of its destruction; feel righteous pleasure as you draw on it, write on it, shred it. Make it useful for something real.
We Elders of the Church do not use money in the traditional ways. We “launch” it. We scrape the smudge of soul-essence of previous owners off of it. We burn it ritualistically in public—and we pray over the dollars as they wither in the flames.
Book of the Subgenius
There is a simpler way. Send what you do not need to the Church.
Note
Released of responsibility
Book of the Subgenius
“Bob” spends very little of it. He has infinite wealth, anyway. Rather, he stores it. This keeps it out of the hands of the Conspiracy, keeps it from being abused on monstrous Death Research projects. The more money “Bob” can prevent from circulating, the longer will the Econocataclysm be staved off.
If you are having trouble with your cash flow, it’s because it isn’t flowing to “Bob”.
Note
Nice bob. How does inflation rate goes?
Book of the Subgenius
The Con has developed ways to twist your survival fear to meet their needs; one is called “Motivational Training,” at which employees voluntarily let themselves be ‘adapted.’ A perfect illustration of the power of suggestion
Book of the Subgenius
“Flexibility” and “adaptability” are words which the Con has hijacked and beaten into meaning “good slavery.” Those who are truly flexible and adaptable have long since freed themselves from the corporate
Book of the Subgenius
Exploitable traits shared by both humans and SubGenii are incredible capacities for procrastination, moment-by-moment self-delusion, rationalization of sheer laziness and greed, and an instinctive resistance to effort of any kind
Book of the Subgenius
In humans, the Con uses these qualities to obscure all reasons for living, making the Pink more tolerant of mechanical, boring labor, and causing him to consider complaining “not worth the trouble.”
Book of the Subgenius
when you make mistakes on the job, don’t wring your hands over them—FLAUNT them; amaze the office! Eventually you will find yourself bearing a mysterious new statuscloak of “highly creative individual.” It’s not real creativity, of course—just what they can comprehend as creativity.
Book of the Subgenius
Dealing with Pinks in the marketplace always works out negatively—even if you make money. They tend to cluster in large companies, though, so if you can get out from under the car payments for long enough and start freelancing, you’ll meet other SubGenii. Eventually you’ll all be able to band together and either dominate your industry or destroy it (thus becoming the new Establishment, but don’t worry about that yet).
Book of the Subgenius
But there is a Higher Selfishness you must attain. A true salesman in a ‘credibility dilemma’ uses the Black Arts of Human Appeal: flattery, lies, etc. You know perfectly well that the customer isn’t alway right. You must exercise the freedom to LIE AT THE DROP OF A HAT.
Book of the Subgenius
The Church of the SubGenius is a sexist church; we are for the sexes, the intersection, the union of them. In whatever sick combinations the parties involved consent to.
Book of the Subgenius
“GIVE UP” and you’ll GET SEX.
The reason some Subs have trouble “getting some” is that they exude such a strong, subconsciously-detected musk that their very attractiveness scares their prey away. Too Much Power.
Knowing this should make it easier to quit trying. Let them do the hunting, and you’ll become the hunted. They desperately want anything they can’t have, but are repelled by what comes easily.
Just relax and loosely exploit your abnormality potential. Don’t put yourself out. When you truly Give Up, you’ll suddenly find it frighteningly easy to TELL THEM WHAT THEY WANT TO HEAR. Once you really blow them off, the right words will spring to your lips as if by magic and they’ll flock to your VERY ANKLES! IGNORE THEM and they will CRAVE YOU.
Book of the Subgenius
If you don’t mind adultery, probably the best way to be barraged with sex partners is to get married. People seem to have a perverse desire to possess that which is morally unobtainable … indicating yet another connection between making love and making mincemeat.
Book of the Subgenius
There should be no stigma in becoming one of “Bob’s” Brides, a celestial celebate, making it only with your spouses and tape decks. DECENCY IS OKAY, BELIEVE IT OR NOT!!
Book of the Subgenius
All kinds of rules of sexual conduct have been tried, but The Divine Battle rages on. Thus we must always keep trying new techniques as the old ones “wear out.”
Book of the Subgenius
Of course, marriage is no longer considered permanent in this evil, humanistic age, but breaking up is still HELL as red tape and ‘commitment’ make it drag on and on … so, rather than cement the bond of holy matrimony in a regular church or government, think about using a SubGenius™ “Placebo Brand” SHORT DURATION MARRIAGE, available from Pastor Buck Naked2. ShordurMar is cheap, and can be easily voided even before the Expiration Date with our Marital Aid Product #3: “Spurious Brand” TEMPORARY DIVORCE CERTIFICATE (“Just In Case It Was Your Fault After All”).
Book of the Subgenius
Our studies (as well as the unreleased studies by The Con) indicate that “good health” is practically a pointless pursuit if you live in an urban area. You can eat nothing but organically grown fruit and vegetables, you can work out twice a day, you can quit all nasty habits, but you’re still absorbing more poison just by breathing, and touching public stair railings, than the most piglike peasant in 1567 London ever did.
Book of the Subgenius
You can move to the country, but … there’s no work there, violent crime is actually more frequent, and the poisons are almost as bad anyway.
Book of the Subgenius
But there is one medicine more powerful than all the contamination in New Jersey, and that medicine is SLACK. SLACK gives the mind power over all disease. A truly happy chain smoker is less likely to attract the attention of the Cancer Demons than is a tense, knotted-up health freak gnawing his fingernails to the bone.
Book of the Subgenius
we all know that eating the meat of live protein animals is unholy, it pollutes your system and creates aggression, and worst of all it requires the heartless slaughter of fellow creatures—MAMMALS!—fully as sensitive and loving as we. For this reason, vegetarians eat only plants.
Book of the Subgenius
But their sin is as great—perhaps worse! Science has proven unequivocally that all plants react to threatening stimuli with a lowfrequency version of what we would call “panic.” They too are life forms with feelings, which feel pain, which may even have an alltelepathic “civilization” that we are too brutal to comprehend! Thus, when you bite down on a grape, you are popping open and crushing, grinding a wee life which, in its own way, is squealing in the terror of the murdered innocent!
So anything that nourishes us is going to suffer. WE MAY AS WELL LET THEM ALL SUFFER EQUALLY. By making a few of all types of living things victims of our all-important stomachs, less members of each individual species will be sacrificed.
Note
Again, you can stay as you are
Book of the Subgenius
THUS, the Word of Dobbs says we can eat
Book of the Subgenius
ANYTHING WE WANT. You can gorge yourself to an early grave, or you can consult shamans at health food stores and figure out ways to cure ills and lengthen your “little Span.” You can be a vegetarian or you can keep an Industrial Diet, living out of convenience stores and simulfood franchises. You can stay in poverty eating expensive food untainted by chemicals, or you can support The Conspiracy in its lowest, most stinking form by maintaining your sugar and fat addictions; go ahead, suck down any and all forms of caffeine since if it’s not that, something else will give you cancer of the colon and hypertension—like your job maybe. You can admit most of that canned and frozen food isn’t really food and instead try to eat things that were recently alive, not cooked into broken, useless cell-mush; you can admit junk food DOES TASTE GOOD or you can get into the snobdom of ever-changing Health Faddism just because the cool rich people do it, or you can kill me….
Just remember that everything touched by The Con has poison and carcinogens in it. Scarf ’em if you wish, but put some money away for the painkillers you’ll need later on.
Note
Again, do what you want, remove any guilt.
This is seductive
Book of the Subgenius
Another thing: although most American food is dangerous to human life, and godawful radiations pour from every appliance and power-line, REMEMBER: SubGeniuses are mutants anyway. If you can’t escape from radiation, learn to love it. After all, it’s merely another form of energy; why can’t our bodies learn to use it, like a plant uses sunlight? If you absorb enough radiation, you CAN make AMAZING CHANGES come about!
Book of the Subgenius
The Conspiracy is a real “drug” that “drugs” you, that makes you want to go to sleep or to kick ass for no reason. “Bob” is the drug that makes you kick ass where it counts. The drug of remembering WHO YOU ARE. The drug that WAKES you up. The drug that MAKES YOU SEE or LEAVES YOU BE!
Book of the Subgenius
According to Dr. Philo Drummond, Ø.M.D., “Sleep is the ultimate drug … like all narcotics and hallucinogens rolled together into one great Winner’s Blend of Nothingness.” Antisleep creates similar effects, but you can get more done. 1) Work for 48 hours without sleeping. 2) Still don’t go to bed. 3) Enjoy the hallucinations.
Book of the Subgenius
If you believe in Heaven, you’ll go there. If you believe in Hell, you’ll go there even if you believe in Heaven too. If you don’t believe in either one, well … good luck.
Book of the Subgenius
After the Pelting of the Pastor with Coin, the Pastor should preach a Waiver of Blame; all Members agree as loudly as possible that they are not “guilty” of anything, or, if they are, that they are proud of it.
Book of the Subgenius
Dobbs proclaims that almost all rival deities, subdeities and incubi have their foundations in Slack despite their seemingly inevitable perversion by the Need of Men to be Led.
By the same token, at EVERY Meeting, there MUST be some blasphemy directed against “Bob” himself sufficiently shocking to preserve the ONE HOPE WE HAVE of not ending up like other religions.
Book of the Subgenius
Quit trying to act smart. What are you trying to prove?? Don’t kid yourself, your time on this planet is limited, so you had better act like you have all the time in the WORLD—or it’s ALL WASTED. Go for thrills—satisfaction—hard core sex—risks—sacramentality—traditional family values—and ACTION. Ignore those filthy stinking normalcy-boys or FREAK THEM OUT, or KILL ME. You have GOT to DISCONNECT to get back IN SYNC
Book of the Subgenius
YOU CAN evolve OR devolve yourself, you CAN cleanse or sully your soul, depending on your requirements …
Book of the Subgenius
Be prepared for resistance, of course. “Bob’s” truth is new to this world, and most people will assume they have better things to spend their money on than some CULT. It’s up to YOU to show them that this isn’t just “some cult.”
Book of the Subgenius
Another helpful technique is to use reverse psychology on the more stubborn, narrowly programmed types. Discreetly show them a Pamphlet but warn, “Don’t show this around.” Imply that there is actually some risk in even possessing such material.
Or, if the target is an intellectual, subtly insult his intelligence. “Oh, well, I don’t think YOU would be able to get into something like this.”
Book of the Subgenius
NORMALCY ITSELF, the Sheep Factor, the Ball Cutter, controls everything. Without trying! Without knowing! THAT, my freind, is the real Conspiracy the real “Con,” the PAP SYSTEM that keeps you fiddling around and messing with a million things that don’t matter until you don’t think you can think anymore. WELL, YOU’RE WRONG!!
Book of the Subgenius
It won’t be easy, friend. They’ve been at this game a lot longer than we have. They’re pretty good with their mediafraud mass opinion manipulopiation, their internal security magadestabilization countermeasures, their subliminal rhetoric-based ESPionage disinformation projection. They’ve been at it long enough to make us look paranoid.
Their next step will be to try to assimilate us. They’ve tried direct bribery. Just the other day, They offered me another $20 million to turn over our mailing list so They could begin rounding up “weirdos.”
Book of the Subgenius
friend, They’ll be dangling the carrot of True Freedom in front of us for another million years unless we reach out and GRAB THE CARROT.
Book of the Subgenius
YOUR PURPOSE ON EARTH
So KICK that Conspiracy Devil out of your life. SLAP YOURSELF until you KNOW you’re AWAKE! What you think, IS RIGHT!! You gotta GET OFF YOUR ASS, pardon my language. QUIT WAITING FOR SOMEONE TO “EXPLAIN” EVERYTHING TO YOU!! THERE IS NO EXPLANATION—that’s the whole first half of the EXPLANATION! STOP MAKING IT ALL SO COMPLICATED—TAKE THE SLACK! It was yours all along but The Conspiracy had you looking for something more EXPENSIVE! “The Answer” always was that you already had The Answer.
Book of the Subgenius
The “gun” we hold is The Truth. The Truth is what we’re selling. And you know things have gotten out of hand when you have to sell The Truth.
Book of the Subgenius
You may even HATE LIFE, but I know you do so out of LOVE. My Love and my Hate are all the same inside my head because WOTAN, my friend, DOES NOT CHANGE; no WOTAN DOES NOT CHANGE, because WOTAN IS NOTHING BUT CHANGE; and all your love and hate, all your laughters and tears, they’re just TWO ENDS of the same balancing pole